Lenten Fasting

February 14th would have been my grandfather's 76th birthday. It's still odd to say the words "would have been" because his passing is still so recent, and this is still a year of "firsts since..." The past week has given me plenty of time to think about my relationship with him; a relationship that I credit as being the most influential on who I have become, and who I am continuing to become. With this thought in mind, I've recently been reminded of a conversation I had with my grandfather several years ago about church, religion, and the afterlife. I was a newly confirmed Catholic, and he never had much use for church. That's not to say he lacked faith. In fact, I'd venture to say he was one of the mostly deeply spiritual people I've ever had the pleasure to know. Yet, every Sunday, as my grandmother headed off to church, he'd head for his garden. "I'd rather be in my garden experiencing and doing God's work than at church listening to some version of God's Word."

I recall asking him what he believed about the afterlife. Where do we go from here? What's next? I'll always remember his answer because I believe it illustrated beautifully how he related to God. He told me that he didn't believe that we were alone in the universe, that this planet, and our lives were not so special. He believed that there were other "earths" with life on them, and that when we passed on, we had the opportunity to review our lives, and gain an understanding of where we went right and where we went wrong. Then, we'd be re-incarnated on another planet (either in some other "dimension" or simply on the other side of the universe), and given another chance to do it right. This process would continue, eh believed, until we managed to "get it right." Then we'd have the chance to move on to heaven. I don't know if he realized at the time how Buddhist his belief sounded, but it always rang true to me with a deep sense of awe for creation, and respect for God's work, and what is expected of us as God's children. There was no hell, only second chances, third chances, and so on (after all, we have an eternity)

One thing I'll always remember about my Granddad was that he was a man of action. He'd teach by doing, not by telling. In the family, I think I'll always be remembered as the grandson who posed the question, "Well, Granddad, what are we going to do that's unusual today?" Usually the story is told to illustrate my curiosity, but I've come to think that it's truly more telling of who he was, and who he was teaching me to be. I never would've thought to ask him what story he'd tell me, or what lessons he might be able to share with me, but always what opportunity we had to do something new.

So here's the question...what on earth does all this have to do with Lenten fasting?

I'm a talker, always have been and probably always will be. Of course, if you're reading this, you probably know that already. I've been told that 75% of all communication is non-verbal, and yet, in my life I remain skeptical (maybe it's 50/50). So, in light of the famous quote from St Francis, "Preach the Gospel at all times; if necessary use words," I've decided to give up speaking for Lent. I'm hoping that this sacrifice will teach me two things: first, to become a better listener, and second to learn to express myself and my beliefs through actions. Too often I find myself thinking of the next clever thing to say rather than listening to what is being said. I love a debate more than anyone I know, and can talk circles around almost any argument (Granddad always encouraged me to be a lawyer). I think now it's time to learn more about listening, about the values, experiences, opinions, and beliefs of others. This is an opportunity for action. A time where my opinions can take the backseat and other people can share their thoughts and ideas with me freely (without interruption or correction, as I'm so prone to do).

Those who I've mentioned this to think I'm crazy. I thought I'd die when I went of a 4 day silent retreat, how will I last 40? Maybe that's the challenge. This Lent thing isn't supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be a sacrifice. It's supposed to make you a better person. Hopefully, this year it will.

I have to note a few "exceptions" since so many people also like to tell me "Craig, you can't just give up speaking, you have classes and presentations." Since giving up speaking as a graduate student is not particularly feasible, I will allow myself to speak in class and formal settings where to refrain from speaking would be both disrespectful and detrimental to my educational experience. As April said, "So, you're really just giving up fun talking." Yes.

Also, two other instances merit exception. When asked of his thoughts on fasting rituals, Jesus responded "Can you make the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with them? But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; in those days they will fast." (Lk 5:34,35) Times of celebration are not times for fasting. In light of this, I think it's only appropriate that I speak during my camping trip in Asheville with Annette, as a time to be reconnected with an old friend, and to "catch up" (plus it's rude to camp with someone for 3 days and not speak to them). Also, when my mother and grandmother visit at the end of March, the same rule will apply. In each of these events, I will take care to give priority to listening, and speak only as much as is required by the circumstances. In order to balance these events out, I will carry my fast from speaking into Sundays which are traditionally "feast days" celebrating the Easter Resurrection.

Ok, so that's the plan. You can call my cell during Lent, and I will say hello and goodbye and nothing else in between (except perhaps a grunt to acknowledge that I'm following along and have not hung up the phone) so be prepared to talk. My AIM will be on. You can leave messages but don't anticipate a response. Email still works, and I will respond to those in a business appropriate way, following the same rules I've established for classes and meetings.

I'm really hoping that this proves a beneficial and growth filled period of fasting. (Don't worry, I still have a week and a half to get some talking in before this all starts)